I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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