You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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