So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
