a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
