wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
