i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
