just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have fence marks all over my body
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
