I want to have your abortion
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
