so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
