Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
