I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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