ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Come on in and take your pants off
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