If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
