I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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