just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
