The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
