im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
