There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
