I can text with my tongue
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
