Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
