with your own penis?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
