she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
