so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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