quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
