You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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