You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
