I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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