I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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