I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
