I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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