Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
