he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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