This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
