How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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