So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
