god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
