Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
