You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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