the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
