After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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