After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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