he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
