I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize