I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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