She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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