hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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