bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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