i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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