OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
