Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
