i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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