I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
