Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
