Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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