Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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