shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
