Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
