We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
