What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
