a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
