I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
