I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They are going to name an STD after you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
