I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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