call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
