Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
