I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
