I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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