If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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